Nov 21, 2010

Why I'm Okay with Never Being Content

I'm working on a novel and one of the characters is a streetwise sister that holds her own on the streets and in her relationships. She's sitting in the kitchen of her 2BR condo one morning and is just overwhelmed with how mediocre her life is. Although she's in her mid-twenties, owns her own place, has a nice car and her own successful business she's not satisfied with life. She's not in a serious relationship at the present moment but that's her choice. She has her "regulars", all men that other women would see as marriage material but she's focused on upgrading her address and whip and any free time she has is spent on expanding her project management company. Marriage was a bit farther down her list and would come later. So with everything seemingly in order, why was her self perception that of mediocrity? I wanted readers to ask themselves what would bring her peace of mind and happiness as they got to know her. Jacqueline exhales deeply after taking a sip of her ginger tea and thinks, "if only I were a content bitch."

When I thought of that line and the character that said it, I was focused on my own self perception of mediocrity. I felt as though I was never satisfied and was constantly looking to upgrade something in my life. If it wasn't my job, it was my wardrobe, accessories, hair, etc. And if I wasn't thinking about myself, I was thinking about doing the same for my daughter. How could I be pushing her development? What kindergarten was right for her? When should she get a tutor, learn another language, start playing sports or picking up an art? Was I just full of vanity? Was I shallow? Was I being realistic thinking I could have all of this? Was this a character flaw to constantly feel like I'm never satisfied or were these feelings justified? I was thankful for what I had in my life: a steady job, a roof over my head that was practically rent free, family and friends, etc. But I wondered if I was wrong for wanting more. For wanting a career where I was allowed to grow. For wanting my own place where my daughter and I could live by our own rules. For wanting a social life with dinners, dating and travel. For wanting an overachieving daughter. Was I wrong for constantly striving to have it all?? Well, the answer is a resounding no! I thought about all the vows I'd made to myself as a child & teen: I'd get out, I'd be somebody, I'd do something special because I was special. Any reservations about following my gut on this were challenged by my ego. If only I were a content bitch I'd be without worry and without stress, but I wouldn't be me! I realized being content could impede personal progress and keep you from realizing your dreams. Nope, contentment is not for me.

Now as much as I want to achieve, I know what my priorities are as well and had to keep a healthy check on them. I'm building the bedstuymommy brand, working on ChuggyBear Entertainment's first event and I had Christmas and my daughter's birthday in February to plan for. So certain things would have to be put on the back burner or stopped for the time being to make all this work. I didn't have the luxury of being my own worst enemy. Any delay or slow down in progress would increase the chances of failure. So, to myself I say, buck up, girlie, and stay true to the decision I made to make this all happen!

So I'm on the grind consistently for the first time in my life and I'm really loving its consequences. It's the first time that I'm using my talents toward a personal goal that's not associated with someone else's company so I'm proud of myself. Now that I've dedicated myself to my business, things are moving at the speed of light. Opportunities abound and present themselves to me everyday and all this is happening because I was no longer content with where my life was and where it was headed. I overcame my fear of believing in myself and voila, I'm finally walking amongst like-minded individuals who are there to help me along my journey. And it's a genuine support from another human being that makes this experience all the more rewarding. To be able to share my ups and downs, my doubts and successes, is really a beautiful thing that I do not take for granted. And when I feel like I have hit a roadblock, my Success Hustler partners come through with fresh perspectives and ideas, contacts and a list of suggestions. I pause here to give them a shout out and say I can't thank you all enough for all your support and assistance.

When I was faced with overcoming the obstacles I faced this week, I can tell you without question that my determination to better myself by succeeding with my business is what kept me going. When my childcare setup was turned upside down and left me working a part-time schedule which meant I was now earning half what I normally did, it was my resolve to not fail that allowed me to ignore the panic that initially set in, accept it as my new reality and find the benefits of it. If I were a person who was okay with accepting defeat, I would've begrudgingly went along with everything this week and conceded defeat. But that's not me and can't be me because I'm not a loser. I can't lose, can't fail, can't stop striving for the best. So if feeling this way is a character flaw, so be it I say!

Life is a journey and there are peaks and valleys. The best of us know that and are skillful navigators. We have our compass, maps and charts, understand how to read the stars and use the winds to our advantage. We've packed enough supplies to last us for the trip, have a knowledgeable crew to assist us and, of course, belief that we will plot the right course to reach our destination. So when the seas get rough, we don't get scared. If there's damage to the hull, we work with our crew to repair it. We continue to navigate, trying to avoid the storms but if we encounter one, we brace for it and never stalling, consistently moving forward. So the next time you're hit with an obstacle and are ready to give in, ask yourself: Why should I settle with getting by? Why should I be satisfied with the ordinary? Why should I be content?

Let's get on with getting it, people!


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